my sublet came with a roommate

You signed a lease, paid first and last, and showed up with your whole life in boxes. So did he. Same studio, same day, same crook of a landlord who is now unreachable. Cops say it is civil. Lawyers cost more than the rent. So you do the only logical thing. You both stay. One bed, one bathroom, a chore chart taped to the fridge, and a war of attrition neither of you is built to lose. The problem is he is funny. And he keeps making you coffee.